He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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