You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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