I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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