Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
