he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize