filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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