Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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