Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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