your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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