I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
everyone is single if you try hard enough
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
