Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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