Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
