from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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