Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize