is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
