That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
