The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
