So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
