I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
