Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
