DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
