i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
