Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
