Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
