Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
