Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Boobs speak an international language.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
