Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
