apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
