I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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