So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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