Your tits are I can't wait for
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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