apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
