is your mom at the bar?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
