They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
