your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
