I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The adults are the big ones right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
God, I missed his penis.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
