She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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