Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize