Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
