I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
