YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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