actually, I'm a sock model
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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