I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
