i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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