Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
