i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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