So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
