trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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