I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
