I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
