the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
