Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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