were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
