i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize