If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
