So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
