Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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