maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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