Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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