If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
