Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
