I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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