Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize