Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize