There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
