It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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