i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
