he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize