started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
