You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
