Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize