i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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