Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
