you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
