It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
