saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
