dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
