i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
