You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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