Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
