So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
