What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
