he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize