She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
