I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
