Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
