Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
