Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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