I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize
