omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize