false alarm. still invincible.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
