I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
