Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
