she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
