Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you never un-have a 4some
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
